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Archive - Millwall Match ReportsSeason 1999 / 2000Click on any one of the links below to view the match report, then use the <top> link (at the end of every report) to return here. Warning: These reports are not official. In most cases they were written by players or spectators and no attempt has been made to check the accuracy of the reports, let alone to remove the swear words! Llamas vs. East London III's 4th September 1999
MILLWALL LLAMAS VS EAST LONDON III'S - 4TH SEPTEMBER 1999 Millwall Albion v East London III 17 - 17 Second Helpings So, we were pretty sure that they'd be five of us. Which was a start. There were several competing demands, for example, the England match, a spot of sailing, pigeon fancying, young ladies riding bicycles on cobbles clearly enjoying themselves and sticking pins into ourselves. But, after all, we are Millwall and we had to uphold everything there is to say about Millwall, complete unadulterated stupidity. We knew that Pete Howard would be there and we also knew that he was going to have to come out of retirement yet again. Neil Meldrum would be there because he hadn't had the chance to run into anyone yet this season. We knew that Steve Brooks would be there, although we had imagined he'd be on his motorbike and not his bike, which was presumably why he was late. We expected Tim Hughes to be there because he'd had the good sense to ring up in the morning to find out where we were playing. Obviously there were one too many pubs on the way from his house to the ground. We expected Mike Beech to be there because, after all, he had the kit. So that made nine, close enough. Six made it, although Paul Ryan turned up to watch so we knew we'd win the fight. We started with 11 a side. And away we went the forwards started well and then ran out of steam after approximately 27 seconds. It all started when some idiot suggested that we should try contested scrums. Without Neil and Flex the average age of the pack would have been 72 and they were clearly in no position to compete for long if the scrums were contested. As it is they had enough trouble getting from line-out to line-out where, if you don't mind me saying so, a star was born. It's safe to say that we didn't win any of our ball but Flex practically cleaned up theirs. It's the first time that I've been more confident about winning their lineout ball than our own. Admittedly most of it was scrappy but there you go. It was enough to allow the backs to go through their paces. With any luck they'll remember to take the ball with them this week. The defensive strategy was all that you could ask for. Simple percentages, Rob Andrew would have called it, boot it into their half. Needless to say Johan obliged. Johan also supplied the first try by looping around Kev and a shimmy here and a sidestep there, Millwall 5 East London 0. East London equalised from a five metre tap penalty that they knocked on, doh! They then went in front after one of those knock-ons that causes both to stop dead and have a breather until the ref blows his whistle. Alas he didn't, Millwall 5 East London 12. Millwall's second try was noticeable because I can nearly remember it! Alistair dotted it down in the corner following a surprisingly quick and long run, {you need to put on a few extra pounds there Alistair or you might find yourself in the first team) and to cap it all, running over their last defender for the sheer hell of it, Millwall 12 East London 12. The third try by Millwall was an absolute gem with a couple of quick (ish) rucks and Compo flipping it up to someone, I don't know who, taking a return and on to Johan (nickname please fellas), it was the creation of a simple overlap and use of that overlap when Kevin fed onto one of their guys who was playing for us (the idiot forgot to drop it) because there was still over 20 metres to go. I think that we managed to convert this one, Millwall 17 East London 12. Compo's immortal plea, "the extra two points are crucial lads, if they do score keep them wide, tha’ knows, and don't fiddle with your ferrets" proved perspicacious (answers on a postcard please) indeed. As it turned out Millwall let them equalise and, to this day, I still don't know why but it was bound to be the refs fault (Git). Millwall did make sure; it was in one of the corners, or near enough to one of them to make the extra two points fortunately unattainable. So there was nothing left but the beer. Millwall 17 East London 17. MILLWALL 1ST XV VS DAGENHAM - 18TH SEPTEMBER 1999 THE FRONT LINE 1. Tim Hughes Whatever, we fluked a 22-18 win because, despite Dagenham having mare heart and determination, Millwall’s individual talents were just good enough to pull off, and I mean this, an undeserved victory. I’m going to have to single out a couple of players here and I don’t care that it is a team game. Do you think that we would have won without Rupert in the Line-out and Daryl all over the bloody pitch ? Do you? For some reason we managed to demonstrate a complete lack of the kind of bollocks that got us as far as we got last year. Don’t worry, this isn’t the pot calling the kettle black, I’m as guilty as the next man. Let me tell you something, we won’t get away with that in the League matches to come and the further rounds of the cup. It is pure optimism, using the plural of round. I hope that you’re reading this on the way to the match and I hope that it fires you up, because if it doesn’t, and we play anywhere near as badly as we did against Dagenham, we’re going to get hammered today. That, ladies, is entirely a matter for you. Now then, we opened the scoring when Clinton was the first to react to a loose ball knocked back by Dagenham from a lineout over their own try-line. Bemused Dagenham faces looked at each other wondering about that old saying, ‘everybody blamed somebody for something that anyone could have done but nobody did.’ We didn’t get the kick. 5-0.I think that they scored next with a penalty but, to be honest I don’t care. All I will say about their points scoring is to reiterate Rupert’s eloquent reaction when they scored after that position three yards from their own line. We can’t relax in those sorts of position. You have to score when you get that close to the line. Sometimes it takes patience. That means several phases, but the crucial element is retention of the ball. Hold onto it at all times and make it safe to retain when you get stopped. Or score, one of the two.Our second try was the only one that can be attributed wholly to good team work. Space was created by the forwards enabling the backs to commit their men and put Alistair away on an overlap. All he had to do was pin his ears back. Which he did. The third try was created by Alistair with a long run from deep and superb support from Rupert who took over when Alistair was clearly running out of breath and pitch. The fourth try, in my humble opinion, was hilarious. In a crucial respect it was similar to Clinton’s in that several Dagenham players stood around obeying the command of one of their, hopefully sheepish, colleagues. He had screamed at them to let the ball go dead and they were docile enough to wait for that to happen, ignoring the vagaries of bounce associated with the oval ball. It must have been a long interval because Flex was the first there to touch it down, gratefully.As gift horses go, it was a cracker. Aye, and there’s the rub. Such a silly mistake on their part gave
us 5 points. And we won by how many?I will say that the win is probably
worth GBP 100.00, so well done everybody. But that was not a performance
by a team capable of challenging for a Twickenham Final. If you want it
fellas, you’re going to have to pull your fingers out. MILLWALL 1ST XV VS BURNHAM - 25TH SEPTEMBER 1999 TOP TIP FOR THE DAY: Since we last conspired to lose a league game, our record reads Played 5, Won 5, Drawn 41, Lost 0, Points for 311(!), Points against 9 (bastards; Ed). Not too shabby, and achieved I'm sure, apart from the obvious reason that we have some very talented players, because we’re getting more that 6 to training and we are playing to Pete and Andy’s game plans. Crash back to earth the last team to heat us were you’ve guessed it . . . May and Bloody Baker. (For those not concentrating, today’s opposition) for some reason we always get caught up in this stupid grudge match hype, worry about being punched rather than leaving that to the ref to deal with, forget the game plan and lose. From a (sadly) bystanders view, if we play like we have since that defeat, we’ll win handsomely. If we play like we normally do against them, our run without a league win over them will extend to 4 games. Up to you chaps. So anyway, back to Saturday. It all began so well. A 12 o’clock meet, breakfast, teas all drunk and away by half past. Travelling at Mitsubishi induced warp speed, the shuttle I found myself flying in got there about 10 minutes later! To then stand around and nervously wait for those travelling in cars. The first feelings of panic began with the phone call from Ben saying they were in Burnham, stuck behind a horse. Then Mr MiIlar arrived at about 2.20, saying he’d I passed Christian on the A3 (not that I’ve got anything against the place, indeed one of my brothers lives there, but there really are better ways of getting to Burnham on Crouch (route via Portsmouth; Ed). Bearing in mind that Christian also had Mad Patti & Larry the tension was mounting! Finally, when our whole side had arrived, the ref phoned from a call box in Wanstead. The total arse had gone to our place by mistake! It was at this point that you just knew everything was going to go spectacularly wrong. Happily this pessimism could not have been more misplaced. I had seen them running out and looking like a bunch of hard nut farmers, (possibly because that’s exactly what most of them are) but a couple of minutes spent watching them warm up settled the nerves. A referee was also found. It was that bloke I’d bought a really rather bad burger from not half an hour earlier. Their skipper gave us the option of having a friendly if we wanted, but wisely we accepted the chef as the ref (help; Ed) and played it as a league match We destroyed them in every phase of play. The scrums were solid and more, hut then with a front row weighing a combined 759 stone (flattery will get you nowhere; Ed) it’s not surprising! If we lost one of our own line outs I’d be amazed, and Paul either took or disrupted probably 75% of theirs. The backs had a field day. The general awareness and speed of thought was light-years ahead of them. Allan was, as usual, the catalyst for this, making a minimum 10 yards from every quick penalty. The difference now is that rather than watching him there are always players in support. And the defence. Well bugger me! There’s a few of their blokes who won’t fancy a 3-hour round trip to Vicky Park just to get the crap knocked out of them. Some of the hits Darryl put in were so hard the ref got confused and thought they must have been illegal or something. Even Coach came off after one of his stints for a blood injury giggling about the hit he’d put on their big bloke after a 5-yard penalty. Basically, to hold any one to nil is exceptional. (Except Pegasus that is!) There were 10 tries in all. Two stand out for me. Connan’s was great. It was lovely to see two of their guys realise that he would be the recipient of a short pass from a 5 yard penalty, line up to stop him, and end up on their arses nearly over the dead ball line as the big felIa scored. Connon’s was a result of superb quick hands, good nicking and support play and a move, which crossed the field twice without slowing down once. It was also good because one of the oppo got the hump at being dumped on again, kneed compo in the head as he got up, and was given an early bath by the ref (who incidentally is a society ref and one of their club members, good on ya!) Probably his only real mistake of the day was not giving us the penalty from the restart. Other scores came, in no particular order, from Kevin, Rupert, Paul, Dave, Darryl, Allan. The only minor down sides were a slacking off in the second half and some missed chances (including disalloweds) which probably stopped us scoring 100, Kevin’s tweaked hammy that’ll keep him out for a few weeks, (Compo has also asked me to mention that their restarts were probably our only weakness, so I have, although I must admit I haven’t a clue what he’s talking about. I suggest you ask him yourselves) and finding out that Old Brentwood’s had scored 67, whilst Stanford ran in 95 against Ravens! I feel some type of three horse race thing coming on, as long as you can beat May and Baker that is! There remains just one mystery about Saturday. Where did Flex go? He was near Hereford, but wasn’t signing up for the SAS as we first thought... answers on a post card please.
So here’s a final thought for the day. Beat May and Baker or I’ll cut your balls off !!!
Cheers fellas - Nick MILLWALL 1ST XV VS MAY & BAKER - 2ND OCTOBER 1999
THE FRONT LINE It still amazes many, I would hope, that they didn’t feel the
need to change this state of affairs, because Allan absolutely creamed
the poor bloke. Perhaps they didn’t want the young fella to play
again, who knows. It all started surprisingly with May and Baker scoring
first with a penalty, doh!, caused by a fight, congratulations for winning
it. They didn’t score again, and deservedly so. With the team Millwall
had fielded that day, May and Baker were doomed from the start…
even if they’d had any backs. Once Millwall had demonstrated their
refusal not to get mixed up in the ‘behind the ref’s back’
stuff, May and Baker got a little confused, bless ‘em. And tried
to play Rugby. You don’t play Millwall at Rugby and beat them, not
this vintage anyway. Allan, quite literally stepped his way through May and Baker’s entire pack, and the full back had no chance because he was hiding behind one of their flankers. The third try was simply beautiful. Phil Antenbring’s run from deep was, well, superlative. Someone finally looked like they were going to tackle him so he offloaded to JVV. JVV, as is his wont - nay his right - gave it to Andy P. A three man overlap beckoned, but there was clearly too much to lose giving the ref an opportunity to blow for a forward pass, so saunter over Andy did. The next try was nearly as nice, another nick, and Darren Boyle steamed up, perfectly timing his ‘Jackson’ run, amazingly he even remembered to hold his hands up. Allan had seen that Darren had single-handedly committed about 13 of May and Baker’s team, so threw a miss pass out to Andy P. Andy took out the only other two left and looped out a pass to Ben that could have been 50 yards behind him and Ben would still have had time to retrieve it and run it in before anyone got near him. The last try was also scored by Ben in, so I understand, similar circumstances. There was only one thing left to do. Offer May and Baker our hospitality and groan when they sadly decline. Never mind, Millwall’s dressing room still resembled a casualty ward. By common consent Chris Millar won the Shiner of the Day award. Millwall 31-3 May and Baker. MILLWALL 1ST VX V BROMLEY - 16TH OCTOBER 1999 THE FRONT LINE Imagine an old fart sitting in his lounge in deepest, gentrified Kent.
‘I say’ bethought to himself, ‘we’ve drawn Millwall
in the Cup’. I wonder where that is, he mused and then went on to
conduct some research. Out came the map, most of it pink, I have no doubt.
Heavens, he said to himself, it’s North of the River. I can’t
possibly go there, we’ll have to put together an expeditionary force
armed only with wet towels and an umbrella or two. In addition, he thought
it wouldn’t be much bother as they were considered lower division
chaps, or downstairs type characters, if you will. They won’t put
up much of a fight. Then he sat back and left it to his trusty Lieutenant,
Mr. Jimbo ‘I’m a full back but I can’t catch’
ooohmum. After all, hadn’t Jimbo taken on the might of those thoroughly
good chaps at the Nat West Batik as is, National Provincial and Colonial
Bank as was. Millwall’s fuzzy wuzzies, unfortunately, having
not had a history lesson between them, lured Bromley to their Isandhlwana,
if anyone corrects me on that spelling, I’ll buy myself another
drink. In other words feel free. STOP PRESS. We may or mayn’t know
whether we’re in the next round by now. Either way here’s
the ref s report; MILLWALL 1ST XV VS BRIGHTLINGSEA - 20TH NOVEMBER 1999 THE FRONT LINE MILLWALL 1ST XV VS OLD PALMERIANS - 11TH DECEMBER 1999 Millwall Albion v Old Palmerians 10-27 The Front Line MILLWALL 1ST XV VS ONGAR - 8TH JANUARY 2000 Millwall v Ongar 65 - 10 The Front Line At a rough guess, the average weight of the Ongar pack must have been about 20 stone. Millwall's pack, let's hazard a guess, 14 stone, if that. Any application of the laws of Physics will probably tell you that 8 men averaging 14 stone cannot push around 8 men averaging 20 stone. Well, thank heavens for the theory of relativity. This allows me to tell you that, from my perspective, the Millwall pack were the only Giants on that field last Saturday. The Ongar Colossuses (anyone know the plural of Colossus ?), mere blancmange. I cannot tell you this enough times, at every set-piece, with one dishonourable exception, but we're not going to talk about that) Millwall's forwards did with the Ongar pack whatever the hell they liked. I mean, it was unheard of, not to mention unseen of, I wish I'd been wearing my specs. The line-outs were a little hazier, but Dan and Jamie managed to lift Guy, which is a feat in itself. All of this left the match in a position, whereby the backs merely needed to start scoring some points. This they failed to do for the first twenty minutes. I can't tell you how many passes they (we) dropped. Perhaps they'd been starved of this much possession that they'd forgotten what to do with it. Either way, when they clicked, boy, did they click. I don't suppose many of you that were there are going to forget Johann's incursions from Full-back, Compo's elated cry of 'Try- Time' (someone should fine him for that), Kev's ludicrously unnecessary sidestepping, Ben's mischievous mickey-taking (they were right, he was taking the piss), Phil's wonderful kicking, and Flex, Warren and Adam's redundancy. We just didn't need wingers because we created three and four man overlaps most of the time. Not to be outdone, the pack managed to share two tries between them. It is a shame that Brendan's first try for the Club should have been a pushover. In his own mind, he'll be embarassed to claim it. If anyone thinks that Neil Meldrum didn't deserve one, they're off their rocker. Personally speaking, I can't help but laugh whenever Neil's anywhere near the ball. Neil just cannot help but make something happen, whether he's running over Ongar props or being lifted off his feet by hand-offs from Number 8's, don't take your eyes off him. I'll leave a description of Daryl to Johann, and I quote, sort of 'When they've got the ball' (remember to say this in a South African accent), shut your eyes, you will hear a duuh. When you hear that open your eyes and you will see an Ongar player flat out on the deck and Daryl standing on top nicking the ball, it's amazing.' I couldn't have put it better myself. Although, I will say, we didn't really start stretching our legs until Mike Costin came on for Daryl. Make of that what you will. We're left with the Second row, and although all of you deserve the last word, it's going to Guy and Darren. Guy and Darren formed our Second row last week. Remember where and how far we pushed their pack around. The second row is often called the Engine room of the pack. Itts sometimes referred to as the Powerhouse. Choose which one you like, those two were either the engine that drove Mil1wall to victory, or they were the power behind the glory . THAT WAS LAST WEEK. MILLWALL 1ST XV VS BRIGHTLINGSEA - 15TH JANUARY 2000 Millwall v Brightlingsea 47-0 The Front Line 1. Dan Condon The Match Before kick -off I could see that Millwall were 'up for it'. Before the Referee blew his whistle I personally felt that there was no chance we could lose this game. We had a good warm-up and complacency was just not an issue, as there was a very strong desire to win. Brightlingsea are a good side but we blew them away in the first few minutes. Phil kicked off and under considerable pressure from our forwards, they dropped the ball. Compo linked with Alex who passed to Phil for a great try in the 1st minute (conversion missed 5-0). In the first 5 minutes our scrums pushed them all over Vicky Park and our backs were linking and passing well (without dropping the ball amazingly). Brightlingsea were put under a huge amount of pressure and there was nothing they could do about it. Our (fantastic) back row were everywhere. Their fly half, who apparently had a good game last time, had no time whatsoever on the ball due to the close attentions of the back row and Compo. After about 5 minutes our continued pressure led to a push-over try (Mike Beech), 10-0. From wide out Phil missed the conversion. The Referee penalised them for dropping a scrum and Ben kicked for line-out. Chris's throwing-in was considerably better than last week (which was not difficult); practice does make perfect. In the lOth minute (1 didn't have a watch on) Ben, with a typically strong run, broke away from the scrum and passed to Johann who scored a great try (conversion missed 15-0). From the re-start another good tackle from Darren and a strong forwards drive led to Ben passing to Compo, Flex recovered the ball after the attempted pass and passed to Ben for a kick to touch. After the line out the forwards drove them off the ba11 and there was an MI in the backs to Phil who made a 30 yard 'blubber' burst, Phil passed to Flex and Flex floated a great overhead pass to Darryl, who scored. (Phil missed the conversion again.) In the next 10 minutes Millwall's tackling was superb. You could tell when either Darryl or Dan made a tackle by the sound effects (a large BANG followed by a HUGE groan) and the evidence of 'winded' players left in their wake. Of course, the Referee, as usual, took exception to Darryl's tackling which was a load of bollocks (apart from this I thought the referee was generally quite good). At the 30 minute mark (still no watch I’m afraid) Mike took a quick throw-in from the half-way line to Brendan who passed it to Darren, who made a great run to their 22. Ben passed to Compo, who was tackled. From their scrum it was passed to their winger who kicked it to Kevin. Kevin passed it to Johann who after a magic 5 man side-stepping 30 yard run, got bored, and unselfishly passed to Mike who passed to Darryl for a memorable try (pure class). Johann missed the conversion after falling on his arse (nobody's perfect). After good support play and running from Ben, Compo and Kevin (crash ball) Bulmer, Ben finally kicked to touch - 1 yard from their line. From the line out their full back (stupidly) kicked it straight to Johann. From this, Johann scored another great try . He caught the ball, side-stepped approximately six players and dived (in a theatrical posing fashion) over the line to score. Rhys reckoned it was similar to Ben Cohen's recent try for Northampton against Grenoble, but was even better. HALF TIME (30 - 0) We started reasonably well in the second half. Johann got past about 8 players (again), passed to Darryl who kicked through and chased, Dan went in with a lifted arm so they got a penalty , then we were on the defence. At this point the crowd were treated to the sight of Compo 'five bellies' removing his jersey. The crowd can confirm that he is definitely the fattest fly half that has played for Millwa1l ( even taking into account Phil the Club Captain). I suggests he goes back to his normal diet of drinking plenty of beer before he puts any more weight on. Apart from his obvious weight problem (1 know I'm a fine one to talk) he did have an excellent game, as did the rest of the team. In my experience of playing for Millwa1l, if we are comfortably ahead after half time we either get complacent or playas individuals or sometimes both. Even after warnings from Coach and Mike this did happen to a certain extent in the second half; we must start to learn from it! The second half was tight for both teams until their fly half decided to kick to Johann at full back. He caught it then kicked it back with interest, only for the enemy to kick it straight back to Jamie (a big mistake) who built up a bit of speed (after 20 yards) and went through and over about six of their players. He then passed it to Kevin (sack the juggler) Bulmer. From their scrum, the scrum half passed it to their fly half who was hit very hard by Mike and Darryl instantaneously (he was visibly shitting himself for most of the game). At this stage Millwall re-gained their earlier momentum with a series of BIG BIG BIG tackles especially from the back row and Dan. Dan split their flanker in half with a huge tackle that sounded like a car crash (1 almost felt sorry for him). As a result of these tackles, our confidence returned; Compo passed to
Phil, who made a great run through their defence before passing to Johann
who passed to Darryl for a great score (his well deserved hat-trick).
Johann missed the conversion 35-0. They had a good passage of play that
resulted in a scrum 5 yards from our line. They took the scrum down, Ben
took a quick one, they weren't 10, so off he went again further dowrifie1d
passing it to Compo who passed it to Bulmer for another memorable try.
Absolute f.....g top drawer! Conversion missed (40- 0). With 15 mins to
go Dan takes ball inside (about the half way line?), Compo then kicks
through and there's another try under the posts (45-0), with a successful
conversion, at last, making it 47-0. I came on for Darren (who had another
great game) and Ben Steed came on for Dan (there was a huge sigh of relief
from their front row). The last 10 minutes was defensive on om part but
there was no way we were going to let them score. Jamie and Mike continued
to fire up the troops in the dying minutes. MILLWALL LLAMAS VS MAY & BAKER - 26TH FEBRUARY 2000 Millwall v Ongar 64 - 18 The Front Line Did anyone really notice the difference when their extra two came on, other than maybe slightly more pressure in the scrum. It took a keen eye, that wasn't on the pitch (perhaps they had their glasses on), to point out that Ongar were playing weak at the sides of the scrum so it might be a good idea to attack them there. Ben's first try was the practical result of having our eyes opened. Neil Meldrum breaks blind from a scrum, a tackle from a flanker came there none. Neil draws the defender and feeds Ben. Real Rocket Science stuff that. We got ten in all and they were all beauties. I'm not sure of the order but I shall recount them in the order that I remember them. Kev's first ended from a run that had him seeking out people to hand off, not all of them were playing for Ongar. The original break had been from Johann, who I am happy to report scored absolutely no tries whatsoever. Steve Brooks was as simple as they come, and we all know that simple means beautiful. The usual stuff, driving their bollocks off by the big men, develop the overlap and away you go. Neil Meldrum's try means that he's been watching too much American Football. (By the way Ben, it would be helpful if you didn't point out to the ref that it is illegal) Daryl's first was a fine example of the rewards you get by running the right line at speed. Ongar's Full back was bang in front, a slight kink by Daryl and he ~ad no chance. A fine centre in the making, but you don't want to be on the right wing. Another of Ben's tries was started with a break by Flex, who ran out of puff so began looking for support players. Amazingly, the only one nearby was Compo. Compo took it on about five yards, it was reset and Ben had a stroll into the left comer. Daryl's second was too far away for me to have seen what happened but I bet he should have passed. I know absolutely nothing whatsoever about Kev's second. Ditto Ben's other. Flex was the only other try scorer with a ridiculous dummy that deprived Neil Meldrum of a deserved second. It stemmed from an interception proof pass from Compo. I can report you were damn lucky that Flex got one during his hundredth game, else subs would have gone up. With Johann and Compo sharing the kicking honours, mostly Johann, it finished up 64- 18. I will remind you that we played against 14 men will also remind you that it looks like 3 teams will be relegated from our division this year. We're not out of the woods yet. If we exploit opposition weaknesses when they've got 15 men on the park, then congratulations might be in order. Let's face it, last Saturday was nothing more than a day at the office. We found ourselves up against weaker opposition and destroyed them. Good stuff fellas, but we'll need a bit more than that in our remaining league games. Post Match Analysis from Alan & Trevor MILLWALL 1ST XV VS RAVENS - 25TH MARCH 2000 Millwall v Ravens 18-3 The Front Line 1. Dan Condon From what I remember there were 3 tries. Dan scored a scorcher - a quick tap penalty and everyone in the Ravens side were looking at Bee and Yann and swiftly pushing their team mates in front of them saying, 'You go and tackle him'. We opted for the element of surprise by giving the ball to our other brick shithouse shaped player and Dan burst through the unfortunate fly half to score. The other one I think came from the kick-off. Big Greg catches the ball and just starts running.....and running....and running - I don't think even Greg could believe how much ground he was making. Sheer classy staff, doge, weave, bulldoze...then a flat out sprint for it. Then when Greg was beginning to tire and had drawn most of the defence he offloaded to Yann to score. Yann must have been a Kiwi in a past life because he has perfected the art of what we colonials refer to as the 'Maori side-step', i.e. over and through the opposition. Jake the Muss would be proud. Ben's try had to be the try of the match - forwards grinding up the field, quick 2nd phase ball, quick hands out to the backs and then Ben with a bit of space to sprint it in to the corner - brilliant! Although I don't enjoy fighting on the field, I think I have to mention the fight. Ravens had decided they were going to try to intimidate Bee, and in the immortal words of Homer Simpson - 'doh!'. It was largely entertaining when the Ravens guy calls Bee a B**** C*** , and then immediately runs over to Yann to say, 'no offence'. Then there was the time when the Ravens fullback says to Bee, 'I'll fk**ing kill you!' and then everyone on the field says, 'no mate, you won't'. There was also the bit when their resident nutter on the side line starts walking over to have a go at Bee, and his 12 year old sons says, 'no Dad, don't!'. Good to see that maybe one day Ravens might be able to field a player with brain cells. I've also got to mention Dan taking the head butt on the nose. A lesser man might have gone down - I myself would definitely have gone down, then screamed for Mummy. Dan stands there with blood streaming down his face and laughs at the guy. This is the only time I have ever see a guy head butt someone in the nose and end up splitting his head! Once again, Homer Simpson sums it up, 'Doh!'. I don't like to mention individuals because rugby is a team game - but I will anyway. Yann and Dan played superbly, they never took a step backwards (as ill) and shoved the Ravens team all over the park, then somehow found the energy to light foot their way over the try line. Adam 'Silver Fox' showed us there is still a bit of life in the old dog yet and showed us just what he is capable of once he has his confidence up. Bee played as Bee does, quick around the park and hard as nails. Steve Brooks just could not understand the laws of physics - smash an eighteen stone 2nd rower into a twelve stone winger and the winger is supposed to lose. Good on ya mate. Ben played brilliantly as always, but I think he must have been tired or something cos he wasn't as gobby as usual. I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not telling him to shut-up. My player of the match would have to be our Yankee friend Greg. He was a total workhorse, and his tackling was an inspiration to watch. However, I wouldn't suggest anyone trying to imitate his method - smashing people with your head just looks too painful - but then who am I to talk? I'm glad to say that Millwall never took a backward step - they put their heads down and dug their feet in, and I hope to see more of it in future. I'm going to round up with one small piece of advice for Bee and Yann. When the ball is in the air it is customary to yell 'Mine!' However we did swiftly learn that 'Aaaah!' means pretty much the same thing. Well done fellas. Bring it on Stanford le Hope! regards, Danyl Gera MILLWALL LLAMAS VS BARKING - 25TH MARCH 2000
The llamas MUST be much more intelligent than the 1st XV. After all, most of the llamas must have good jobs and can afford a car…there wasn’t even a pushbike to be seen amongst the firsts! And the skies opened and it started pissing down. With only Paul Rookes stomach to shelter under, a few of us got wet and we thought things couldn’t get any worse. That’s when Flex chose to mention that, in a moment of sheer charity and pure socialism which we should all be proud of, he had given away the First Team kit to the local school, and told them not to bother returning it. Eventually, we finally got on our way to Barking Rugby Club, where we were sure we were going to shit upon hammer beat play their 4ths. I knew before kick off that their 2nds and 3rds didn’t have games, so the 4ths was just a little bit likely to be “loaded”. It didn’t help that we only had 13 players, and only two of them were prepared to play in the front row. With superb timing [as his girlfriend often tells me] Edward came just at the right moment AND (what is more) did what ANY DECENT, SELF RESPECTING MILLWALL PLAYER would do…he volunteered to hook instead of play his normal position in the backs.
1. Richard “Megasaurus” Mutter
Photo (above). Lineout practice before the game was a little disorganized.
I don’t recall much about the game (I never do…and certainly, props should never be expected to!). The Barking Captain (*UN*!) declined to give us an extra player, even though they had two subs and about a million other people watching a colts game on the next pitch. After the game, it turned out that he hadn’t told the rest of his team that we were a man down. Apparently they didn’t notice, which is a great compliment to us, I think, and particular glory must go to Jamie and Ben who, we can all agree, were all over the place during the game [!]. They scored. I think it must have been their pacey winger exposing the weakness of our otherwise brilliant 14 man strategy They scored. It was a push-over try, I think. I promised John that I wouldn’t mention his near desertion in the field of battle and, true to my word, you’ll hear no more of his lining up with the backs (while 7 of us try to hold off 8 of them). My lips are sealed! They probably scored again…the lanky winger JUST had the beating of our team of lean & mean winger & full back. While I’m on the subject of wingers, does anyone recall that try where (I think it was) Serge Blanco took the ball from behind his own try line & the French team scored from it? If you do remember it…please explain to Jamie that he’s no Serge Blanco! We scored. I remember being really pleased because by the time I got my face out of the mud, Millwall players were all cheering. According to reports, somebody got a quick pick up and darted through their backs before you can say “Sá í gærkvöldi mynd af þér í svolítið gömlu Viðskiptablaði, myndin tekin á sýningu í Þýskalandi”. Well done Somebody, we’re all proud of you! They must have scored again (at least once) because those people who
can count (backs) tell me that the score was about 30-12. I don’t
suppose asking the ref would have helped…he lived in a 1980’s
time warp where the laws of the game were entirely for the referees discretion
and not based at all on a book or anything like that.Thanks again to all
those who continue to help [and play for] Millwall Llamas. It has been
a pleasure playing with you (in a manner of speaking). As the season draws
to a close, I would just like to end on a serious note… MILLWALL LLAMAS VS THAMES II'S - 1ST APRIL 2000 Thames lst's 22 Millwall 2nd’s 17 1. Chris McCafferty He's only a Hairdresser!" was the battle cry from Larry "I'm Scottish ya knew' This was a hard fought match. Millwall were far lighter in the pack and with an inexperienced front row things weren't going to be easy. We started brightly and got in amongst them Daryl, Greg and Neil put in some good tackles and won the ball for it to be passed out to the backs only for their centre to pick up a loose pass in midfield and score. They scored again from some poor defending and kicked the conversion. Millwall rallied. Chris McCafferty took one against the head and Larry shipped it to Phil who jinxed his way passed a few of their players only to be taken down by some excellent rocking. Larry had the task of falling over the line. Larry's jokes were now in full flow and they were that good I can't remember them. Half time arrived and both sides changed ends but the wind and rain didn't stop. They scored in the comer. Millwall replied: the ball was shipped open for Steve to put in an audacious overhead pass that went backwards?? Only for Phil to collect and scamper over the opponents line then convert it. Now came the funny bit. How do you miss a long white line by two yards especially when it is directly in front you? Ask their Hairdresser". He made amends ten minutes later with a push over try. Millwall battled with some excellent rucking but failed to score. Be. Chris and Mike in the Front Row came under increasing pressure. yet Darren and Greg stood strong. Millwall won a quick ball and ran it, then rocked it through several phases and Larry popped it up for Phil to push over. Now, Thames are very fearful of our firsts after all they have a "Hairdresser" in their pack and he even makes the correct hand gestures .. ALLEGEDLY". Nigel had a "Mare"! Greg said "Au revoir, eh", and Larry needs a haircut. MILLWALL LLAMAS VS STANFORD LE HOPE - 8TH APRIL 2000 Llamas: 5 Stanford-le-Hope: Bloody loads (actually 5 – 50)
1. Richard Mutter Surprisingly, Llamas took to the pitch with less than the recognised minimum normally required for Rugby Union. Contain your shock if you will, but even having borrowed an Enormous Youth with Downe’s Syndrome and a couple of old geezers we were still short. Ordinarily, the boys can rally around a bit with the Southern Hemisphere conditions and a pitch the size of Tasmania it was always going to be difficult for the men from E14. Our shortage of men was not helped by the antics of our star flanker who buggered his shoulder showing off for the girls who had come to watch – before kick off. I am sure they were impressed by the forward rolls and catching high balls but not by the lying forlornly by the side of the pitch vomiting after half a match when everything was being run down his wing. The men that remained put in a supreme effort. Each of them played like Diana Ross. Not only did we have occasional flashes of mediocrity but we also did some impressive stuff. Two names spring to mind in particular – Kenyan Ben and his massive python, and John Geromoschos. For those who haven’t heard already, Ben (or Kryten) scored a completely spectacular try. He scared the filth out of me by taking off in the wrong direction before looping around all his own players before touching down on the right wing. This after he had completely up-ended one of their players which has got to hurt. Many say that Ben was the best player on the pitch, but my Man of the Match has to be John. His work rate was phenomenal, the man was everywhere. He played with the wisdom of Socrates. (He later showed the proclivities of Socrates, when he disappeared with two sailors – I know you’re Greek John, but do make an effort). Everyone else continued to give it their all for the entire duration of the match, no doubt for the ladies. It was an overall good performance in conditions which exposed a lack of fitness and insufficient time on the training paddock. I want to see you all there during the summer. |
